The MAN on MAN SUCK OFF: 2008 By Tauhid on 06/28/08 9:21am EST

I hate the internet and it hates me. I decided to start making webcomics so that I could reap the glory and adulation that an artist of my calibre deserves. My comics are infused with my life essense. I open my wrists and bleed directly into them. But at every turn I am outshown by some cock socket's hastily drawn scrabblings that drip with a sickening brand of underground conformism. Fuck those guys and fuck their comics. The worst offender is one Andrew Hussie.

So convincing is this man's disregard and disdain for his own artistic ability that it makes my own efforts appear naive and hamfisted. Draw a fucking nose right you dick duggler I know you can!! But since you refuse I'm taking the fight to you. Two can play this hollow ass game of art fucking. I will draw comics and I will suck at it so hard that even your surgically executed subparody with seem scholastic.

Remeber Andrew there is always somebody slower, weaker and stupider than you are. His name is Taheed Bahndeeya.




The die is cast.

What suckery man hath wrought By S_O on 06/28/08 1:38pm EST

Ok, my man TauBo likes to hurdle over the facts like an orphan who's just pilfered an apple, pursued by a fat ethnic vendor and leaping over barrels and melon carts and crates of chickens. Those things are the facts in this case, so I will take it upon myself to clean up this marketplace catastrophe and put right the facts.

T-Bone was talking some smack about my comics and I went on to say:

"I will point out that there is a difference between someone who naturally sucks at art, and someone who is good at art but restrains his ability to create "high art". There are also many people who are good at art, but are so caught up in their pompous bullshit, they don't actually know how to be bad at art. Like, really bad, not just, "oh look, this is kind of messy, but you can still actually tell I'm good". I don't know for sure, but I suspect you are such an artist. I suspect you don't know how to suck."

To which Bone replied:
I could out suck you with my mouth closed.

In response to which I dropped a gauntlet like it was red hot and full of spiders.

"Oh no you just didn't.

IT IS TIME FOR THE MAN ON MAN SUCK-OFF CHALLENGE"

To which TBond Medicated Powder replied with his first comic, seen here:


To which I replied with critique.

n the first panel, look how graceful the contour of the man's face is. A steady hand and keen eye was responsible for that kind of delicate touch.The eyes are well formed and were placed at a judiciously measured distance from each other. There is clear rationale dictating the break in the line between the top of the nose and the start of the hair. The penmanship is confident and bold. There is clearly formed agency behind a the stylization.

And submitted my own comic.



At sight of which he issued some mealy-mouthed blither and posted another comic.

Clearly you've mistaken carefully engineered sucking for barely masked talent. In order to truly suck you can't just abandon all aspects of form, balance and perspective. You have to regress. You have to draw like you never knew them. You have to literally wipe your artistic slate so clean that you find yourself grasping your crayon in a tightly balled fist as you create. In fact create is the wrong word. What I've done here is destroy. I'm destroying art and the artist in myself. This comic was render by the id.

I had to forget my daughters face to produce this.




I just feel it's important to get the 2 or 3 readers, all search engine bots, totally up to speed on what just went down.

And then I posted another comic By S_O on 06/28/08 1:42pm EST

Just to make it clear who exactly is whom's daddy when it comes to sucking fiercely at the muddy hog of ineptitude's burgeoning teat.

A New and Improved Low By Tauhid on 06/28/08 3:21pm EST

Art is not all that makes a sucky comic Andrew. The content is equally as important. There has to be an epic failure to be funny as well. Observe.

Uncanny By S_O on 06/28/08 4:48pm EST

Yeah, content has some say in the matter, but it shouldn't be overestimated. A well drawn comic can fail spectacularly in the concept department, while a horrifically drawn comic can be conceptually excellent, sometimes especially since it's been accented ironically with poor art.

This titanic suck-off is about the visual appeal of drawings as related to artistic skill, or the inhibition thereof. As you mentioned earlier, it's not merely about drawing the most brazenly incompetent jumble of lines possible. There actually can be a lot of inadvertent charm in that result, simply due to an uncompromising reduction of ego in the work. It's when someone is trying to be good, but doesn't have the gravitas to back it up when the drawing really suffers in the appeal department, and can cause one to blunder into the uncanny valley. This suck-off is about finding ways to creatively pull your style back to the echelons of an aspiring artist who is completely oblivious to the ways in which his art blows throbbing ape boner.

Observe with this simple cowboy drawing exercise.

That's a diagram not a comic... By Tauhid on 06/30/08 12:14pm EST

...I think that means I win. But just to cement my victory:



I must admit that I'm beginning to see the appeal of this shit. It's less like a foul smelling pile of refuse and more like a recently discarded bearclaw sitting on top of the waste paper basket with only a nibble taken out of it.

Stick and Move By Tauhid on 06/30/08 1:25pm EST

He's got him on the ropes and now he's working the body. In a totally not gay way though.

He's off the ropes By S_O on 07/01/08 12:57pm EST

and delivers a swift left horsecomic to the face.

Both his parents are alive and well... By Tauhid on 07/02/08 1:48pm EST

...and he doesn't even give a fuck.